coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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