Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
a search helicopter?!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
