I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
