he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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