I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
