Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
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Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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