I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
