I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
