dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
