I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
