I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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