Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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