I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Life is so much better after having sex.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
