No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She said her name was "party"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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