i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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