they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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