i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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