I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
