It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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