I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
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End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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