he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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