JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
