Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
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I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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