we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
