she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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