Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
