I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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