No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Success! We fucked roommates!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize