3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!