U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies