I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
