i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize