why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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