In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize