you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
