I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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