i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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