he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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