youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
