BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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