one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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