Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
