She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i will never coherently bang her
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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