he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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