I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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