I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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