i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
