Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
