hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
