Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
