hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
