I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
