just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
