I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
