do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
