jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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