White coat. Heels.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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