when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
