My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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