Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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