I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
