Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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